Alone
In the car
Panda Express in view
Contemplating the last four hours
Bliss
With my dearest
Without supervision
Of a two year old prison guard
I contemplated more
Alone
With dearest is something to look forward to
After grade school
After prom
After graduation
Though solidarity fails to be generous
I don’t rush toward
Grade school
Prom
Graduation
We half rush home to our prison guard
Her eyes recovering from sleep’s much needed grasp
We are greeted blanket in hand
Daddy is Daddy!
I am just with daddy
I think back to earlier that morning
I asked myself why it takes me 2 hours to drink one cup of coffee
Answering my own question
Simple
I don’t want a good thing to end
Despite
The coldocity to the palette
Though bitter sometimes
My child is cream and unprocessed sugar
My darling cup of coffee
Who never seems to get cold
Will one day see me not just with daddy
But a valuable asset to fashion sense in
that dressing room
that will witness
The the fitting of a prom dress on the once little princess
All this in full view of Panda Express
Prom and The Prison Guard August 3, 2009
August Poetry Challenge August 1, 2009
In effort to get me back into writing again I’ve invited my fellow pregnoid and good friend, Tawnee to take a challenge with me. For the month of August we will write a poem everyday and post it on our blogs. I think this might work for me since I know there is someone on the other end who is with me to take this challenge. I want to and NEED to feel like I’ve accomplished something. Here goes and good luck to you too, Tawnee! Let’s do this. “And if it ain’t a Chevy don’t raise it up.” ha!
A Dragon Named August
The screen is black for old time’s sake
“She’s lost control again”
Is chanting through the coats that make a sleeping aid
5AM to be exact
There is no pain though which brings me to
Energy
Or the lack of
To suffocate the source of menticide that chokes my very soul
To live everyday as it might be your last
Is coinage to how this got me here
Slogans are such a bore
Control
Or lack of
Upbringing
Or lack of
I’ve told my self we can do this
We can vanquish this beast
But here we sit watching the dragon
Snicker and sneer
Devouring our finest impulses from a personalized dog bowl
Dragon makes sure my eyes do not fall below his
He wants me to see me what I fail to accomplish
My scaly cold-blooded sensei?
Or just a cold-blooded dragon all to happy to escort me to
FAIL.
There’s the fire though
It remains
Where there is heat there is a katana and the desire to slay
Antagonistic thoughts
Slash and burn
A new forest awaits me
And the dragon and his dog dish will be hunted once more
So Yeah…. May 14, 2009
Uh Oh. I didn’t post yesterday but I have an excuse. I’m pregnant…again. I’m not going to go into detail but there are a few rules that I will abide by during this pregnancy. 1) I will continue to keep my workout schedule. 2) My diet will strictly be vegetarian
I made an appointment with the doctor. I also explained to them tha I’m giving them another try as I had left them during the last pregnancy to go to another doctor which was even less satisfactory. They were understanding and I requested a different doctor too.
David and I went out to eat last night and I brought up the vegetarian issue. I ate some meat, though not a lot, during my first pregnancy. David was totally OK with it. Not that he had a choice but he said it was totally fine. Vegetarians get hounded all the time for not eating meat. It’s annoying and I’m always ready to throw down if someone gets on my case about it. Sometimes I am weak and even cave in and eat meat just to avoid confrontation. Not this time. The ONLY person who can give me a hard time about not eating meat while I’m pregnant is my 80 year old grandma because she eats turkey gizzards for fun. Anyone who eats gizzards and thinks bones are OK in Thanksgiving dressing is beyond reasoning. If she finds out I will have to brace myself for the lecture. It’s not like I’m going to eat junk food. I know what amino acids are. I know in what foods they are found and not found in and I know how many grams I need a day while pregnant. So the whole lecture of I need animal protein is bogus and I will throw down and use my mad kickboxing skills if anyone gives me a hard time. Pregnant or not I will throw down.
What else? Oh yeah, I’m pregnant.
Speaking fo gizzard grandma, I told her over the phone about my status. She can’t hear very well and I had to yell “I’m pregnant!” 5 times. When she finally understood and there was a long pause and some mumbling and then she said “It’s been really windy here”. The woman is senile.
O Sweet Child O’ Mine May 11, 2009
Where do I start? I think of all the things I can do when Emily is asleep and I can’t wait to get started. When she is finally asleep I don’t even know where to begin. I will begin at 5:30 this morning. I had a good night’s sleep and I woke up with David. I had breakfast and walked around the house aimlessly trying to decide what I can do with myself now that I am a free agent until Emily wakes up. I could log my entire yarn stash into my new iTouch application. I could enter all of my contacts in my iTouch. I opted for getting buff. I logged into Netflix and worked out for 20 minutes to a kickboxing program. That really rocked. But now I’m drinking a small margarita and that rocks too.
Yesterday was a good Mother’s Day. I was tired after the 9k and ended up passing out for two hours on the couch. Before I passed out I took a nice hot bubble bath. During my bubble bath I was constantly reminded that I was a mother. You see, Emily had taken a bath earlier that morning. Emily has access to bathtub crayons and there was toddler Hieroglyphics inside and outside of the tub. I was too tired to even begin to scrub off the art work. If I just closed my eyes the scribbles would just go away. Here is a sample of what I came home to:
I call it "Whale: The struggle onto land" as it looks like a whale with legs
There are times on our relationship that I know that I married the right man. One of those times happened this weekend. I have mentioned Emily’s increased obsession of dollies. There have been several times when all of the dollies have been lined up against the wall like this:
Firing squad line up
The first thing I thought about in my messed up little head was, firing squad. I did not tell this to David as I think that sometimes I can get too dark even for David. David came into the room and the first words out of his mouth was “firing squad”. I explained what messed up parents we were to have both thought of these dollies lined up as such. Then we turned to Emily and wondered what her true intentions were. I love my husband dearly and we were really made for each other. We have been blessed with a child with ulterior motives. Our SWEET, SWEET baby girl! She MUST be ours. haha.
Saturday was David’s birthday. We went to the crepe shop. He ordered a dark chocolate and Grand Marnier crepe. Emily and I shared a Nutella and coconut crepe. Here is the proof of our outing.
Sharing lemonade
haha
Mother’s Day 9k May 10, 2009
This morning I participated in my first 9k (6.1 miles). Jamie and I walked together around Boulder Reservoir on this cold and overcast day. It was cool but once we got walking it turned out to be a very nice walk. It took us an hour and 45 minutes to complete the course. I placed 1100th out of 1592. We got great goodie bags and I scored some great chapstick. David stayed home with Emily and I hitched a ride up with Jamie, Marshall and Ben aka Self. I had a great time and feel accomplished. When I got home David headed to the store and bought margarita mix. He had a master plan. He gave me drink, rubbed my feet and put me under a warm fuzzy blanket and I fell asleep. Apparently, I had a sleep deficit which may explain my bitchiness yesterday. The end of yesterday was miserable and I don’t ever want to relive it.
David and I talked about our children output. We agreed on just having one more. We agreed that we kind of just wanting to get it over with. With this interview coming up and me so selfish with my time I don’t want to keep cranking out children because of whatever reason. Having too many children is just gratuitous not to mention bad for the environment. I’m also not going to be one of those parents who take up all the room at babysitting at the gym with 5 kids. Ugh! Breed responsibly. With that being said, I want to eat granola like right now. There are pictures I need to load from David’s birthday yesterday. Jamie, do you think I could get a copy of those photos from the race today? That would rock so much. Rock roll.
My Book House May 8, 2009
I have some great news. I have an interview at one of my favorite indie book stores on Tuesday. I am ecstatic and thrilled and excited and nervous. I could have used commas but I didn’t feel like it. I think I will do very well though. Wish me luck!
After cardio sculpt today I moseyed over to the bit kids sale at the Boulder County Fairgrounds here in Longmont. The sale was huge. I went to see if I could score some dolly furniture for Emily. Emily has taken dolly care to an entirely different level. It’s a bigger level. A MUCH bigger level. In the morning when she gets out of bed she immediately starts to arrange and rearrange her dollies. She does this for about 30 to 40 minutes and flat out refuses to eat. She is then famished by the time I pick her up from babysitting. I was prepared. Come hell or high water we were going to this sale. Emily also does not like being in a stroller so I didn’t bother to bring one in and prayed to whatever god that may be listening to help me control her in this mass warehouse full of toys and children. She did very well. I was walking up and down the isles being careful to avoid all of the Elmos. I refuse to by her an Elmo doll. I won’t go there. I just won’t do it. Naturally, I headed toward the books to see what they had for sale. It was then that I saw it. The ENTIRE collection. I had seen pictures of the books and I owned one of a different edition but here before bundled neatly in hemp twine was the entire collection. Not one one volume was missing. It was the entire set of the “My Book House” set, circa 1971. I’ve watched these books for a couple of years (Emily will be two) for Emily. The price of these books range from $60 to $150. I scored this set for $10. These books are in MINT condition but most importantly they are MINE. Well, Emily’s but mostly MINE! I had talked to David about this collection last week. I wanted his permission to bid on this set on Ebay for Emily’s birthday gift this year.
My first thoughts when discovering these: doot doot doo...what the hell...no way...NO WAY... sweeeeeeet! It's mine. I would kill someone in front of their own mother for these books. Hell Yes!!
My favorite cover of the collection. Again sorry about the lighting.
Sweet, Sweet Nectar! May 7, 2009
One of my favorite feelings is getting out of the shower after working out and into clean comfy clothes. Oh my goodness that is heavenly. Add some fluffy socks….mmmm….mmmmm….good! Now, add some Earl Grey to that and then have your child at daycare! Yessss!
Today, I saw a bully grackle messing with the robin’s nest. I was pissed! The little robin was squawking and trying to get the grackle to leave. I yelled out the window and that meanie grackle left. Punk ass grackle! Yesterday I saw the male and female robins trying to mate. They were so playful. At least it seemed that way. Maybe the female thought that the dude was a scrub and wanted him to get away from her. Emily is aware of the nest and we make the effort to check up on our new robin neighbors. We have MANY guests in our blossoming cherry tree. Sweet, sweet nectar!
I have decided to take down the website for my knitting group. Once I get a better feel for how David’s schedule will be an how he feels after he gets home I will start the group here at the house. I’ve let the group members know and many have showed interest in continuing the group as a more close knit group. Get it? Close knit. ha. I’m a dork. I’ve come to make some great friends during the last several months. I have a vision and by golly I want it to be for the reals! Like my wedding. The group is going to have a summer BBQ and a yarn exchange. I also want the group to be learning new techniques for their chosen fiber art. I think it will be OK.
Emily’s tea party yesterday was a success! Apparently the twins could not stop talking about the tea party all day. Emily is always shy at first but once they all got playing together it was so much fun! The girls played ring around the rosy like 500 times. Emily calls this game “asses” which is supposed to mean ashes but she just can’t get out that shhhhhh sound yet so asses it is! Sorry about the blurry pictures. Ugh. I’m so bad at this sometimes.
The twins in blue tutus and Emily in a pink sundress
Before the feast!
Today I booked Emily’s birthday party event. I was going to have her birthday here at the house and the party was going to be a dog theme. Then it occurred to me that she loves animals and tractors so why not have her party at the farm? Great idea! Most importantly there is a yellow tractor in the middle of the farm. Can you imagine the squealing of delight that will pour from my darling child’s mouth at the site of this?! I visited the farm today and was greeted by a nasty kind of wench. She wasn’t the nicest person in the world but people who live on farms are usually hardened by the hard work. The farm is a working farm. In any case it would have been nice if she was a lot nicer. Oh well. Here is the website: http://www.sunflowerfarminfo.com. Emily’s first full sentence: Bye, Bye tractor!
Justice! May 6, 2009
Trying out the merchandise at King Soopers. Baby wipes. Mmmmmm
Today justice was served but before I get to that I just want to tell you how unbelievably hard it is to get out the door to go grocery shopping with a toddler. After an hour and half of just getting ready to go to the store the phone rings right when I’m about to shut the door behind me. It’s incredible. On our way to the store we stopped at a four way stop. I arrived first and a hideous sherbert/salmon colored minivan arrived after me BUT the woman driving the sherbet mobile did not make a complete stop and rushed ahead of me and turned. To my delight there was a cop car parked facing the four way stop and saw this. I was ECSTATIC. That was SWEEEEET! All my life I have wanted to see this happen. Some artard has wronged me in the ways of traffic laws and a cop was there to witness it. I could see the cop car in my rearview flipping a U-turn and I knew my place in the universe. It was to move out of the way so he could catch this ungodly woman her salmon machine. I turned and eventually ended up in back of both of them. The cop stalked her for 4 block and to my ultimate delight his lights turned on. I was so giddy that I was laughing and clapping (while watching the road) and singing “Roam” by The B-52s. I knew then it was going to be a good day. I would like to remind my readers that I am not the type of person to wish ill on anyone even my enemies. I wish everyone a happy, healthy and responsible life. However, there are ways that the universe punishes people who don’t come to a complete stop.
The supermarket trip was usual. I spent $81 for a week’s worth of groceries. Emily is having a tea party today and has invited to friends (twins) over for tea. I have made cucumber sandwiches and have purchased a small one layer cake, fruit, hummus and bread. I hope the girls will like it. I have become friends with the twins’ mother, Lynn, from Ravelry. She comes to my knitting group sometime and we believe in being silly parents. Yay! Fun mommies!
The weather is beautiful and it is turning out to be a lovely day. I do worry about David and how this commute is affecting him. I hope he will be OK. At least he is employed.
This is the Robin that is nesting in our Juniper which I thought was inhospitable
The first time "White Enriched Bread has entered our home. Creepy!
Public Transportation (Riding with sociopaths) Or A Lesson in Kindness May 5, 2009
The ABS system of our Volvo is going kaput. I called Swedish Motors in Boulder and began to explain the problem. The guy on the phone, Marshall, finished my sentence and knew automatically what was wrong. I was blown away. It was like talking to your child’s doctor over the phone and having them tell you what is ailing your child and how it can be fixed AND they can fix it for you. The only difference is I did not give birth to a Volvo wagon. Thank Tab for that!
That call was made yesterday morning. Since Emily was in daycare today I drove up to Boulder to drop off the car and I took the bus back home to Longmont. When I arrived at the car shop a friendly black dog greeted me. That was very nice because I love all dogs but not small dogs. I walked in and approached the counter and noticed Marshall was working. I also noticed that Marshall was probably born in Sweden. I then wondered, “I wonder if you have to be born in Sweden to work at this shop?” This handsome man was the perfect specimen of Whitness without the Swedish accent. Most importantly he knew what was wrong with my car and that was even hotter. Anyway, it turns out that I will be without my Abrahms Tank aka Volvo for about a week. That means I have to drive a stick shift all week. I have to do everything!
As I mentioned before I drove the bus back to Longmont. I must say that I really like riding the bus. I was reading my Three-Martini Playdate book and it was very comfortable. I am drawn to people watching and I was rewarded today! I had to get a transfer to another bus. Thinking nothing of it I paid my toll and sat down on the left side closest to the window. There were rows of two seats on each side in this particular bus. We were on our merry way picking up other passengers on the way. One guy gets on and proceeds to sit across the isle from me NEXT to a woman who is reading a book. Then all of a sudden she throws a hissy fit. I am talking about an all out ape-shit fit about how it was rude of him to sit next to her. She huffed and she puffed and she threw her hands in the air and got up from her window seat to sit somewhere else. I couldn’t believe this woman was behaving this way! This is PUBLIC transportation and if someone sits next to you oh well! That’s the way it goes. Ugh! I failed to mentioned that I couldn’t help but laugh at her.
The bus approached Longmont and the gentleman got off THEN the huffy woman went back to where she was sitting and looked at me. She plopped back down next to the window and you guessed it, she huffed. She made a big effort to look at me and I met her gaze with a sly grin and chuckle that clearly said, “you are acting like an immature 3rd grader but maybe you’re kind of a sociopath too, who knows?” This refueled my kindness tank. Is it really worth it to be this mean to people? Be nice! Be nice! Be Nice! I also thought that maybe her mother refused to say “no” to her and she grew up to be a spoiled brat who doesn’t like to share. See how that works? We all know what happens to Veruca Salt. She wasn’t a very SWEET little girl was she and she got what she deserved.
It was now my turn to get off of the bus. I stopped in downtown Longmont to mosey around since I didn’t have a two year old with me. I stopped at the Used Book Emporium and scored this book. Jamie told me about it and I finally saw it in flesh and pulp.
I know, right?!
I’m trying to limit my book purchases but I had to get it. Now I actually have to find time to read it. I went into some consignment shops and passed a coffee shop where I spotted an germaphobe, creepy mommy from a previous mommy group. I continued on my way and went into “Rosebuds”. It is a 40s, 50s, 60s vintage shop. I shaped some photos and talked to the gals that work there.
Bad Lighting. Sorry.
Torsos Rock!
I am home now and need to clean my house like an obedient housewife. It is Cinco De Mayo today. This was brought to my attention by the saucy Swedish boy named Marshall. I didn’t see that coming. How often do you have a Swede tell you “Happy Cinco de Mayo”? Naturally, I think of cheese enchiladas every day of my existence and I will be making them this evening. I think it is appropriate. Goooooo cheesiness! Go hottie Norwegian, Swedish dudes!
The Three-Martini Playdate May 4, 2009
Thank you Jamie!
I would like to thank Jamie for getting me one of the best parenting books on the market. It is called “The Three Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting.” From the first page of this book I fell in love with it. These were the timeless words I will never forget, “‘Playdate,’ may the chipper mommy who coined that particular term forever rot in a hell of eternally colicky babies.” This book contains 50s style illustrations that have been modified for the happy hour mommy. I can’t begin to tell you how I love this book. The book is about how parents have gone overboard with the childproofing and how parents can’t say no to their children and because of it their children are spoiled brats. You can raise a SWEET child without losing your mind.
I once complimented a mother for her well behaved children. After getting to know her better it turns out that the children were not allowed to be children. The were good children because they were not allowed to talk most of the time when adults were around. I think this is sad. Childhood should be magical and playful. Most of all it should be silly. There needs to be structure in a child’s life and discipline if you are comfortable using that word. It is a matter of respect. If you can’t say no to a child they will grow to disrespect you. If you quiet a child with threats the child will grow to resent you. I think a big question that parents should ask themselves is “Is my parenting going to hinder my child’s development in a way that they will not be able to become a healthy adult?” I ask myself everyday and it keeps me in check. Sometimes Emily is annoying me and I snap at her. I stop to think to myself and say maybe that wasn’t the best way to react.
I do not carry pictures of Emily with me. I don’t even have any on my iPod either. It’s not that I don’t love looking at her because I do. I can’t take my eyes off of her most of the time. I just don’t feel the need to carry pictures of anyone in my wallet/purse/iPod. I’ve only been asked once by someone to see a picture of my child. My child is special to me. I don’t run around acting like my child wears a halo and that everyone should worship my child because she SHOULD be special to everyone else. I don’t like (and I do not feel comfortable) when total strangers force me to look at pictures of their children. I think it’s inappropriate, rude and obnoxious. I am, however, polite about it. I do think that 80 year old grandmas and grandpas should be allowed to do this. If you are not 0ver 80 you should be charged a hefty fine. Thank goodness I don’t rule the world.
